Whispers in the Wind

Three years ago my friend, Pam attended my daughter’s wedding. On Saturday, June 21, I watched her daughter walk down the aisle and begin a new phase of her life. Pam started out as my housecleaner almost twenty years ago and quickly became a wonderful friend. Two friends of mine, Susan and Sandy were equally lucky to have Pam clean their homes and every spring we looked forward to taking her out to lunch for her birthday. We shared not only the common bond of friendship with Pam but the bond of motherhood as well. Saturday, motherhood was foremost in my mind as we shared a church pew and listened to her daughter say her wedding vows. Susan, Sandy and I had had daughters marry recently and I am sure the memories of those events played out in all of our minds as we saw the rings blessed. We felt we were Pam’s eyes for this event because she was unable to be there.

When my children were small, Pam arrived at my house every other Friday to clean and restore a small bit of order…at least for a few days. She watched my children grow from toddlers to adolescents to adults. We shared many talks about family, friends and life. While she dusted or washed the floor she listened to me voice worries about one of my children or vent about some injustice I thought I had suffered and I in turn listened to her concerns about her children or her ailing mom. She was a comforting recurring figure in the routine of my life so it felt good to be able to return the favor when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I brought her flowers, homemade soup and paperback novels to distract her mind. She was an incredible fighter and beat the breast cancer but not the colon cancer that claimed her last August. She was able to help her daughter pick out her wedding dress but was not able to see her wear it Saturday. Watching Pam’s son light a memorial candle for Pam to symbolize her presence during the ceremony was a bittersweet moment. I hoped indeed that she was there in spirit and could see how beautiful and happy her daughter was.

The last few days had seen the formation of incredible clouds and occasional storms. Unlike the storms earlier in the month these had not been severe but they had generated phenomenal cloudscapes, especially at sunset. Since there were a few hours between the afternoon wedding ceremony and the evening wedding dinner I decided to grab my camera equipment and chase some clouds. I went home, changed into jeans, threw my camera equipment and “reception” clothes into the car and headed out to wander the back roads. I planned to slowly make my way to the reception hall fifteen miles away, stopping along the way to change into my better clothes after I was done climbing through ditches and walking in muddy fields.

As I drove out of town a newly sprouted field of wheat caught my eye. It evidently had been fortunate to survive the weeks of rain. Storm clouds provided a dark backdrop for the neon green field. Most people are familiar with the tawny colored fields of mature wheat but don’t know about the early weeks when the new shoots are almost electric green when touched by the summer sun.

I jumped out of the car and began shooting with my digital camera as the storm was moving quickly and the scene changing every second. When the storm developed sheets of rain I decided I wanted to shoot it in black and white with my Holga and Rolleiflex cameras also so I ran for the car and grabbed them as fast as I could. I carefully stepped between the planted rows, knelt in the muddy field and shot as the storm passed from right to left along the landscape.

I thought it was far enough away for me to be safe but soon I was being pelted with large cold raindrops. I ran for the car hoping I had captured something on film. As the rain fell on the car I slowly reviewed the photos on my digital camera and noticed that in the small viewfinder there appeared to be human shapes captured in the storm clouds. I certainly did not notice them when I was shooting but I could see them now. Of course with my eyes as tuned to the visual as they are I might be the only one who seems to see them but I will include them below to let your imagination have some exercise. Let me know if you can see a figure in one and a face in the other.

I thought to myself, “Pam, if that is you I want you to know I am thinking about you and thanks for the incredible day of clouds!” I drove north out of the storm and was soon chasing some solitary clouds to the north and west. It is a challenge in SE Wisconsin to find a bare landscape that affords an expansive view of the sky so when I find areas that work well I mark them on my map. I turned on a familiar road and was able to find a field with grazing cows directly below one of the clouds. More clouds were building to the west forming spectacular sweeping shapes but by this time I needed to be going east toward the reception.

I pulled over on a little traveled road to change into my skirt and heels (not easy to do when sitting in the driver's seat) while watching the storm develop to the west. I would have moved over to the passenger seat or the back seat to accomplish this contortionist challenge but my camera gear was taking up all available space. I stepped out of the car in my heels, black skirt and lace blouse to shoot a few last photos.

What a picture I must present- standing in the middle of a road flanked by farm fields, carefully composing an image of distant dark clouds. I stowed my cameras, applied fresh lipstick and arrived at the reception in time for a cocktail before dinner.

Pam’s husband, Jim stopped by our group and said, “You know that thunderstorm we got last night with those sharp claps of thunder? That was Pam.” I wondered what he meant by that and/or what Pam meant by that. Was she angry because she couldn’t be here? Was she admonishing him to behave himself and make sure that things would go well today or did she just want all of us to know that she and her fighting spirit were very much here?

After a wonderful meal shared with friends, several toasts and some wedding cake it was time to leave, coincidentally just in time for sunset on this summer solstice. Sandy and Susan left a few minutes before I did and Sandy’s husband ran back inside to retrieve me. “Do you have your camera? Hurry! ” I moved as quickly as I could in my heels, grabbed my camera from the car and managed to take a few shots of the rainbow before it disappeared.

Sandy said, “That’s Pam’s doing.” I smiled, thinking, “Well, Jim’s off the hook. She must be happy with how things went today.”

My friends drove off to the west and home. I headed north, watching as the clouds to the east and south began to turn pink with the reflected light from the setting sun. I found a wheat field facing south, set up my tripod and began shooting as the clouds grew in color.

I stored the location in my head and reminded myself to mark it on my map. This field will be glorious in a month or so when it turns golden and the movement of its sheaths creates whispers in the wind.

End of Day