My Theory of Relative-ity

c (Speed of Light)

I find myself saying, "Everything is relative." a lot lately. So much so that I thought I would research Einstein's Theory of Relativity online and see if this might provide some insight into what I am experiencing. Knowing that it is a complicated theory and that I am not a quantum physicist I checked out several sites titled, "Relativity for Dummies." I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept but I think I did glean a few facts out of the articles …but don't quote me on this.

One of the first things I learned was that though Einstein is the one we most associate with the theory there were many others before him that worked on this concept. Galileo had his own relativity theory in the 1600's that was the framework for Newton's Laws of Motion and was also very important in Einstein's theory. However, Galileo thought that time and length were absolute and therefore would be the same no matter where in space they occurred.

Einstein's theory was revolutionary because he said time slows down and space is compressed when you approach the speed of light. Therefore, time and length are not absolute but are in fact relative to the speed you are going. What I interpret as time on my watch here in my kitchen in Wisconsin will be different from what you see on your watch if you are traveling at the speed of light in outer space. Also a one meter measuring stick that I hold in my hand here will be longer than the one meter stick you hold in your hand if you are traveling at a speed approaching the speed of light.

Physicists came up with the twin paradox theory to further explain the time part of this concept to us dummies. At age 25 if one twin stayed on earth and the other twin traveled in space at a speed close to the speed of light, time would be different for them. After 20 years of traveling in space according to the space traveling twin's clock, the 45 year old time traveling twin would return to earth to discover her earthbound twin was in her 70's!

You're probably thinking, Right. So what does this theory have to do with your statement that everything is relative?

Not a whole lot except the time slowing down part so I came up with my own relativity theory. I haven't been traveling at the speed of light lately but I definitely have experienced some of that time slowing down phenomenon. Anyone who has experienced a severe shock, been in a catastrophic accident, or is waiting for test results for cat scans, ultrasounds or biopsies can attest to this. Any parent who has accompanied their child to the emergency room and has had to wait to find out what is wrong understands this time phenomenon also.

The time on my watch when I am sitting in the waiting room while my husband gets a CT scan definitely moves slower than the time on the watch of someone who is enjoying a coffee and scone, or even someone who is attending a board meeting that can typically move pretty slowly. My watch will show even more significant time slowdown when we are waiting to meet the doctor for the CT results. I can't even conceive how much slower time is moving on my husband's watch though I am sitting right beside him holding his hand. AND THEN when the doctor says the CT scan is fine I have an epiphany that everything else is relative.

When you realize how much worse things could really be you go out to dinner to celebrate life at that moment. You have a steak smothered in mushrooms, garlic mashed potatoes and sugar snap peas that burst their sweet greenness in your mouth. You raise your glass of wine and toast to the fact that you are only dealing with prostate cancer and you actually laugh at the irony of it all.

The next morning when you hear a plane crashed with all lives lost and learn of more casualties lost in war you realize that the family members of those victims would gladly trade places with you and what you are going through. Their time clocks have slowed down even more than yours. Understanding this is what helps put everything in your life in perspective. It is when you find yourself saying, "Everything is relative." and "Relatives are everything."

My theory of relativity has to do with recognizing the incredible family and family of friends we have and the power they have to reverse that time slowdown thing or even make time disappear. I guess you could say it is a theory of relative-ity. Knowing that they include us in their thoughts and prayers gives us strength and a definite optimism about the future. Sharing a meal, laughs, or a rousing card game of Wizard helps remove fear from the time space continuum. Receiving a gift of home made soup or decadent cupcakes nourishes not only our body but our spirit.

A friend of ours who is a cancer survivor said that the silver lining in all of this would be the unexpected people who enter our life and our discovery of how far the circle of love extends around us. She said that whatever love and support we have given out in the past will come back to us tenfold. I am not sure at the moment how far the love extends but I know the thoughts and prayers circle the globe and embrace many religions. Though there are differences in beliefs among the major religions it is obvious there are wonderful people included in them all and that they share a universal faith in the power of prayer.

Two of the unexpected people who have entered our lives are two brilliant surgeons. One of these surgeons is my parents’ former neighbor, a lovely Pakistani woman who we met only once. Though she now lives in New York and my parents live here in Wisconsin they have managed to remain close friends. She is knowledgeable about prostate cancer and has been very reassuring for my folks as well as us. When she heard about Buz’s diagnosis she contacted relatives here in the states as well as in Pakistan to include him in their Muslim prayer chain. He is such a kind man, a good man, she told them.

The other brilliant surgeon in our life at the moment is Sameer Sharma, the young doctor of Indian decent who will be conducting my husband’s robotic surgery. (I say ‘conduct’ because after seeing the precise, graceful movements of this complex machine it will indeed be a 5 hour performance.) He is the son of two surgeons and grew up playing computer games. I love what I am doing and I AM good at it. I believe him.

India and Pakistan are not what you would call friendly neighbors. I find it encouraging that in this great country of ours that these two people of diverse backgrounds have the freedom to follow their own beliefs, the opportunity to become skilled surgeons and the desire to work together to address my husband’s needs in such a comprehensive way- both physical and spiritual. Really amazing!

Einstein's theory would support the concept that life spent on this earth is measurable and absolute no matter what speed you are traveling at. However, my theory says that the perceived length of a life lived differs from an actual measured life in direct relationship to how much that life is lived to the fullest and how much of it is shared with family and friends.

So thank you to all of our family and friends who are sharing the journey with us. We are doing just fine-very much due to your love and support. I am anxious to get this kind and good man to the recovery side of this experience. In the meantime we are embracing every moment to the fullest and so should you!